Ashlee and Pete Name Their Baby

In typical celebrity fashion, Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz named their baby something ridiculous. According to TMZ:

Seriously, Bronx Mowgli? Does it have a last name, or is Mowgli the last name? What an f’d up family. If I’m ever famous like Joe the Plumber and then have a baby, I’m naming it Backfat McTurtle. Just you watch.

11.21.08 at 09:15 AM – Add Comment – var addthis_pub = ‘ejb’;

Now This is Funny (and possibly disturbing)

We all get to enjoy eating turkey on Thanksgiving because weird people like this guy in the background slaughter them by the dozens. So that isn’t the issue here. And the election is all over with, so what Sarah Palin is talking about isn’t the issue here either. What is the issue is the hilariousness of absolutely everything about this video. Can’t really put it into words, so just watch. Unless you’re a vegetarian, in which case go eat a carrot while the rest of us watch.

11.21.08 at 09:04 AM – Add Comment – var addthis_pub = ‘ejb’;

Kate Beckinsale is Still Perfect

Seriously, Kate Beckinsale could go in public wearing a smurf costume and still be the hottest person in 300 miles. She sweats awesomeness and I would literally give my elbows to touch her shoulder. She could even be wearing shoulder pads when I do it, I don’t care. That might sound pathetic, but when I’m on disability for my elbow loss and I know I touched Kate Beckinsale, you’ll be the one slaving at a cheese factory wishing you’d thought of it first.

11.21.08 at 08:50 AM – Add Comment – var addthis_pub = ‘ejb’;

Hey, Kelly Brook Has a New Fragrance!

If Anne Hatheway and Natalie Portman got freaky and had a baby, not only would science be baffled, but that baby would grow up to be Kelly Brook. Maybe you don’t see it, but I do and what I see matters because I’m writing this stupid post right now in my underwear.

Kelly is promoting her new fragrance although I’m not sure how photos promote a fragrance. It’s not like they’re scratch n sniff digital images. She should personally go door to door wearing the perfume, letting us have sex with her while we smell it. Otherwise, good luck selling that crap.

11.21.08 at 08:39 AM – Add Comment – var addthis_pub = ‘ejb’;

Jessica Biel Looks Kinda Like Michael Jackson

I don’t know if it’s the hat or the color of her skin, but Jessica Biel just really reminds me of Michael Jackson in these pictures. If there were 4 or 5 little boys around her in a circle, there would be no difference. Instead, we have what appears to be a cocaine deal going down with a hockey mom. The photog would’ve turned these into police if he didn’t realize taking pictures of famous people all day is slightly worse than snorting a line.

Oh, and just so you know, it’s not really a cocaine deal. Don’t sue me, Jessica. I loved you in London. But in Summer Catch and the rest of your movies, not so much.

11.21.08 at 08:27 AM – Add Comment – var addthis_pub = ‘ejb’;

Paris Hilton is Officially Single